“Either I am the best or I am about to get cut”   -Pigeon John from the song Identity Crisis

Many of us have lost the art of friendship. I know I have. I have a terrible problem of sizing people up as soon as I meet them.

When I meet new people I sadly only have two categories to put them in.

a)      Better than me

b)      Less than me

Pathetic, I know. Speaking christianly, this is sin. And frankly, to even see these written down from my hands is terrible. How can these be the categories? I wish the categories were cooler like “eccentric” or “fascinating”, or “super hero”, but this filing system has been embedded in me without a conscious thought. Yet even more, with these horrific categories I wonder where is a third, more common category; peer, a good friend, an equal.

I rarely look at anyone as a peer. I either think, “They are better than me, what can I gain from this friendship?” Or I mercifully (read this word with my own self disgust) think, “They are less than me, how can I benefit them?”

Where are the equally beneficial, mutual relationships? I have lost the art. Maybe you have too.

I know a few friends who think of me as a peer may get offended by this, but they are really the exception in my life and honestly I distance myself from them (and maybe they from me), because these relationships are the hardest.

A peer is when the statements below are mutually true of a relationship (this is not a complete list):

Is more than someone you have a beer with, but not necessarily less

Is someone you are excited to share good news with

Is someone you confide your sadness and struggles with

Is someone you assume you will see often without the aid of mandatory common meeting places (ie. Work, church, etc.)

Is someone who you would miss if you have to move

Doesn’t always follow you (even when you think they should) and you don’t want to necessarily always follow them

Has the stones to tell you how you screw up you are even when you see how screwed up they are

Not always your biggest fan, but always supports you

Until true equals engage with and see each other as that real community will never form. And community is where we find context and meaning.

I know many people who I love as fellow humans, but I have only a few that I like. You know, like to be around. And sometimes “like” can be more powerful than “love”. If not more powerful, at least more engaging, and  that is where peers start together.

Do you have good close friends or just relationships that go mostly one way? If you are lacking truly equal friends why do you think that is? What do you think hinders true meaningful peer relationships?

They are completely different – they are the same:

They rebel

They are bigger than their musical genre

They don’t want to be famous

They came from nothing

They both seemed reluctant to take a stand

Yet they both stand for those who cannot

They are musical outlaw’s – they are subversive…

Eminem is probably seen as much more vulgar than Johnny Cash, but anyone singing back in the late 50′s with lyrics like “I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die” or  ”I took a shot of cocaine and shot my woman down” was not okay.*

So why do people listen to them? More specifically why do Christians listen to them? I think it is because like the apostle Paul (as far as I know the Apostle Paul was not known for his musical styling’s) they challenge this world’s status quo; sometimes for better, maybe more often not.

Yet like Paul, they don’t buy the “this world is great” line. They defy the “I’m okay – you’re okay” wisdom of the day. Modernity’s promise of progress hasn’t seemed to reach their ears. They sing for the broken. They seem to shout that they are broken.

And once we see that the world is broken we are drawn to others who see it too, even if they disagree on what it takes to fix it (or whether it can be fixed at all).

Right or wrong, many of my mature Christian friends watch shows like Family Guy, The Daily Show, etc. because these shows are among a rare breed that admit that America is not Camelot.  When so few Christians are willing to say the Emperor has no clothes we have to hear it from someone.

That is why I was pleasantly surprised when Catalyst Conference (a Christian conference) opened up their 2010 Atlanta Set with a cover/altered take of “Not Afraid” by Eminem. Not only did they do the song justice. They brought in a voice that although different will stand at the edge of the Empire and shout that “Caesar is not Lord!” I am not a “mushy-feelings” guy, but I had goose-bumps all over and tears in my eyes. I praised our Father in Heaven who hears truth wherever it is brave enough to be uttered.

It has been beautiful to see Christians over the past decade start to again borrow from the philosophers of our day (Just as Paul did in his day – and yes Eminem fits in the category of philosopher) to remind others that we aren’t the only ones watching…wanting change…wanting more…willing to fight…

And I do hope we fight a good fight, fight only worthy battles and have the strength to keep straight the victims from the enemy.

It’s not subversive to bash the outlaws; all of civilized society does that. Subversive is hearing the outlaw’s cries and seeing how civilized society isn’t.

*Most of us think of Johnny Cash and country music as safe, but back then he was not. Leading the charge of “Outlaw Country” Johnny loved America (as do I), but tested her greatly. Sadly many people think of the Apostle Paul and the early church in the same way, but like an outlaw he confronted Rome and fair-weather Christians. He was subversive before you got popular just by being so.

Disclaimer: Johnny Cash had both June and Jesus, which I believe gave him more hope than Eminem, but I don’t blame Eminem for a lack of hope, because without Jesus my hope would be forlorn too. Also, I focused this post more on Eminem, because most Christian’s now readily accept Johnny Cash. All those appearances with Billy Graham must have made him an acceptable modern day Prophet. Or it may be because he is a Prophet of the most appealing kind, a dead one.

PS. If you want to censor them, because you disagree with their message you will only attract more to them. Instead make beautifully subversive music.

Can Christians incorporate truths from people with completely different agendas? What does it say when some Christian’s identify more with people outside the church than those inside?

I am determined not to teach my son this archaic, individualistic,  and scary prayer (although it did make me feel better to pray while hiding from the boogie man way back when I was 24):

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
if I die before I wake,
I pray for God my soul to take.

This prayer might have worked in the past, but I want my son to know prayers with great depth even at an early age. I want him to sing and pray prayers to a God that cares about more than souls. I want a Kingdom of Heaven toddler. I know a bit over-reaching maybe, but I can’t help it.

And I think the Lord’s  prayer (Matt 6:9-13) is a good place to start. Yet thinking and meditating on the Lord’s Prayer I find my heart breaking with the first line:

Our Father in Heaven…

What does this line mean to an entire generation of people, both grown-ups and children, without fathers (both dads who were absent and those who were present, but don’t deserve the high title of “daddy”).

For people who had no father; it is probably easy to be an atheist. God as a loving father? No such Father ever existed in their life.

For people whose father was present but uninvolved it is most simple to be a deist, even if a father God is there, just like their human father, he doesn’t affect/interact with them much.

Even worse, people whose dad was present and abusive. What could God the Father represent to them? A monster? A maniac?

This hits home with me, now a dad, due to my high blood pressure and the very fact that we are not in control of life and death. What if I don’t take care of my physical body and I die before my son gets to know me? Before I get a chance to be the imperfect father pointing to the all-perfect, all-loving one? What will my son think of God the Father?

I know I often find myself praying to Jesus instead of praying to God the Father in the name of Jesus. I am not sure why I do this. Maybe because my limited contact with my earthly father growing up I can now better relate to a “friend in Jesus” than a cosmic Father, even if he is the Abba Father. I wonder how many others are like me, trying to sneak in the back door of the Father’s House through our buddy Jesus who promised us it would be okay.

The calling of being a father (or a mother) is of the highest importance. How can it be so neglected? And it seems unfair that a human’s neglect can point negatively to God. Yet it does.

So in light of this, I think we should either throw away the language of “God the Father” or we should re:build what a father is within this generation.

What does God the Father mean to a fatherless generation? Would it be better to change the metaphor/understanding of God or this generations perception of a father?

-Eminem (Cold Win Blows -Recovery)

Is Eminem that much sicker than all of us or is he that much more honest? Okay so he is pretty messed up, but are you and I really the model of  wholeness?

My friends who don’t identify themselves as Christians often times doubt that Jesus the Messiah is the resurrected son of God. My friends who identify themselves as Christians often doubt that they are still sick. Believe it or not I think it is often easier to convince my non-Christian friends that Jesus is in fact the raised son of God than it is to persuade my Christian friends (and even me sometimes) that we are still sick.

Some basic beliefs I carry:

• Choosing to follow Jesus allows the Holy Spirit to make you into a new creation
• This new creation instantly gives you a (new) position in the Kingdom, but it does not instantly change your condition in the here and now; this part is a process
• As Dan Allendar says (paraphrase),We are made and marked by God for doing good/great acts, but we are marred by sin, pointing our God-given gifts, goals,  and passions in the wrong direction.
• Just as Paul is comfortable living in the paradox that he is both a new creation (Romans 6, Galatians 2:20) and still sick (you can read sinner here) and does what he hates and does not do what he knows is good (Romans 7:14-25)
• Jesus did not come to make bad humans good, but to create life from death (a new humanity).

So does being Jesus’ new creations make us healthy and beyond sickness, beyond sin?

Chris Seay  (@PastorChrisSeay) in his new book, The Gospel According to Jesus (a great read if you are in the market for one), describes our sickness/sin using a quote from N.T. Wright:

It is clear that all humans (other than Jesus) do in fact perform acts which constitute a refusal of vocation to be genuinely, God-reflecting human, and which therefore “miss the mark” of that lovely fully human life which is not only glorifying to God in itself but which reflects that glory powerfully and creatively into the world. -N.T. Wright (p.88 GATJ)

So being sick is more than just not glorifying God both by sins of omission and sins of commission, but by not reflecting his true loving, creative, Justice-filled, character to the world. Then by this standard many (like all) of us Christians are sick.

We have tried to be good/tried to do the right thing/tried to follow. Yet we find our strength is not enough. We find that only our self-righteousness is over-flowing. Instead we need His righteousness (His justice/His kingdom come)

As Chris Seay puts it this way on page 8 of, The Gospel According to Jesus:

Paul is very clear in the book of Romans that our focus must not be on the tireless struggles to do the right thing; that will only exhaust us. The law and the rules are a constant reminder of our failure to deal with our sinful nature through our own wills. But a miraculous thing happens when we fix our attention on King Jesus and his kingdom: God begins to work out his righteousness through us.

We will only focus on Jesus when we admit that we are still sick and cannot do it on our own.  

It’s not that we might be sick. We are sick. So how do we quit playing the WebMD game; where we try to self-diagnose, self-fix, and self-regulate ourselves. When do we invite the Great Physician to heal us?

How come my “non-Christian” friends admit they are sick (or at least not alright)? If Jesus is the truth, the way and the life shouldn’t Christians be the most honest? Of all people we should be the ones who continually confess we are broken. Leading us to trust him most, consult him most frequently, and to continually allow him to heal and grow us properly.

What keeps us from admitting that we are sick? What changes in our lives (if anything) when we admit we are sick and need Jesus to take the lead, versus when we feel healthy and can do it on our own?

As a disclaimer, I am an N.T. Wright groupie. I have read most of his popular books. This is my first foray into one of his big books. And quite frankly the first section of the book reads rather dry. It is mostly methodology, which is very important, but as a lay reader I trust N.T. will lead me through the study properly.

At risk of leaving his text too far behind the one question that kept running through my head while reading the first section. Does the average Christian (1) need to know all of this to faithfully follow Jesus the Christ? It is important to read the New Testament as faithfully to the original meaning as we can. It is important to hear Jesus’ words as closely to he intended them as we possibly can. But my experience shows most (of us) Christian’s are content to hear Jesus’ words one verse at a time on Sunday. We are happy not knowing context. We walk forward thinking exegesis is cool name for a band.

So how critical is it that the body of Jesus has a working knowledge of first century Jews, Gentiles, and Christians? I am of two minds on this; on one side I see that faith is all that required to enter. Simple faith. Believing faith.

 Yet on the other side, most of us live longer than the thief on the cross. We have many hours that are given us as gifts. Where should they be put? If a Christian does not truly understand the message the writers of the New Testament intended can that Christian actually walk it out?

Reading this book convinces me that the questions (underlined in red above – p.11) are questions Christians must ask and search out answers to.  As Wright points out on page 78 while speaking of first century stories:

“If we fail to see the importance of the actual historical nature of some at lease of the stories told by Jews in this period, we fail to grasp the significance, in form as well as content, of the stories themselves.”

So these posts will explore both historical as well as theological (pgs. 24-25) roots of the New Testament, as if there is any other way to truly understand such a book. I hope you enjoy our interaction with the book and each other.

How scholarly do you think a Christian must be to follow Jesus?

1 (is there even such a thing as average Christian)

I remember watching in the 80’s-early 90’s when the parents went from being somewhat wise, carrying, and involved to caricatures, bumbling idiots, and aloof, especially the dads. Now days the parents are only mere props, better to be seen and not heard.

I am not sure whether this is art imitating life or vice versa.

I want to blame Hollywood, but come on, they, just like McDonald’s, only feed us what we want. Hollywood is not immoral they are nonaligned and they will show us whatever we will tune into. Possibly what we turn into.

The truth is that I bet a lot of more kids are watching the Tele by themselves. This way mom and dad can watch the shows they want too, you know, the shows where so and so kills/sleeps with these other people. After all, we wouldn’t want the kiddies watching that, so let’s hand them over to more capable hands of Disney, Nickelodeon, and ABC Family.

Nielsen reported in 2009 that the average American household has 2.86 T.V.’s and 2.5 people. Ouch…I don’t think more commentary is needed here.

I miss watching Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable (The Cosby Show) and Mr. Jack Arnold (The Wonder Years). I am not saying I miss Mayberry, but what happened to families watching families, trying, working, living together.

I have read more than one article recently stating that peer groups, not parents, have become the most important factor in children’s decision making process. It makes sense that is what they see on TV.

I want art to imitate life, but a better life. I want art to prophecy to life, but a life of hope. I am not asking for Christian TV shows, I am asking for us to do something crazy, watch shows with our kids and discuss the art and life and see where they collide and where they jive.

May I be as bold to say we read with our kids again? I know this is out of fashion. Me an adult read a tween book (unless of course it is Harry Potter or Twilight)? A book at all? 

I think kids want to watch Cosby. Want to read books with us. Want to analyze art and life through our eyes.

So in the end sometimes it is not Hollywood that sucks but me. My kid’s parents are the ones who are a bit absent from the show.

Have you noticed what kids these days are watching? What shows push your anger buttons?

a) I close my eyes tight to pretend I am already sleeping. This accomplishes two things. One, a headache for stuper-dad. And it also makes my son more awake as he asks over and over, “Daddy? Sleepin’? Sleepin’ dad?” To which I finally answer, “Yes Jude.” And then we start over.

b) Pretend to be snoring. As if I actually know what I sound like snoring or actually know if he even equates snoring with sleeping. This just usually leads to me having a dry throat and to him asking more questions about why dad is growling.

c) I try singing. This one rarely ever works, it usually gets him so hyper we start shouting out,  “You got a friend in me” or “Sit down in our thinking chair and think, think, thiiiiiiiiink!”

d) Pretend to sleep, while just relaxing my face muscles, yeah that is the ticket. Nope. All this leads to is me accidentally drooling on my pillow and having to lay in it for the next 35 minutes. NOT COOL!!

None of these techniques are terrible in themselves (except the pillow drooling, that is just shameful), but they aren’t important.

What gets my son to sleep best is knowing not just that I love him, but that I am with him. It might sound like splitting hairs, but in these, his early years, he will know that I am not just for him, but with him. No gimmicks, no pretending.

Often times with my friends and family, I try to offer the right wisdom or give the right smile, but really all I am doing is drooling on a pillow. Focusing too much on me.  Sometimes my words help, but sometimes they sound like Ernie from Sesame Street snoring. Nice attempts, but all they want is my presence.

We think of our being there as just the bare minimum, that we need to offer more. Yet in this culture that is always dividing our time and attention we could do good just to be fully-alive, near to the moment, even if our eyes are wide shut and we are laying on a puddle of drool. There is no need for fake snoring, just real presence.

In these moments when I can get out of my own way I realize something, I am thankful that He is Immanuel. ‘Cause, just like my son, I need to know too.

I don’t know if Wal-Mart is a healthier business than Target or not, but here is what I spy through my little eye:

Target…

1) Seems cleaner. If Target and Wal-Mart were my friends, I would always suggest we hang out at Target’s house, because her place is cleaner, which makes me a lot more comfortable. I would make excuses to Wal-Mart like “c’mon, no it’s not you, it is just that Target is closer…no not in miles it is hard to explain. You know I like you Wal-Mart but I am kind of allergic to your smiley-face. Of course you are both my frends, but Target gets me more, get it?” And honestly when you can’t get the “homefield-advantage” Target has a much cleaner thinking chair to sit on. This may be the most important factor in my shopping experience.

2) Has friendlier employees. I have some friends who work at Wal-Mart and they are a rare exception. At Target, I wonder what Kool-Aid they are drinking? Do they get paid a lot more than Wal-Mart folks? Are they threatened? Do they have family being held hostage and are told if they don’t work cheerfully their child will be hurt? Because they are ALWAYS happy and helpful. And they always seem to take more pride in their appearance. It makes me want to start a store and hire them all, I think I will call the store Target, because it is right on

3) Has the “nice” factor: I don’t get stressed shopping at Target. Nice Endcaps. Nice signage. Nicer electronic section (c’mon I am still a dude). More products where they belong (it is not hard to beat Wal-Mart in this area). Shorter wait in the checkout line (niiiiiiiice).

4) Has my two-year old son wrapped. He tells me he wants to go to the “red store”. This is as scary as it is cute. But even he, who only cares about toys, knows this place is better. I think when he gets scared Target is his “happy place.”

What this means to me:

I will drive farther

Pay more

Stay longer

Some Random Additions:

I used to price compare between the two stores, but now I would gladly pay a couple more bucks for a happy, clean, simple experience.

And I know that both of these stores have given us plenty of reasons to reject them and shop somewhere else altogether, yet with their store location convenience and selection many of us still find ourselves walking through these (less than) sacred doors.

Please know I am not a blind-believer in consumerism, but I do think part of life, which is nowhere near life-to-the-full, is consuming. So I am a big proponent of choosing a place that doesn’t anger you as soon as you enter the parking lot.

After this post I feel dirty, I need to go find a good independent store to shop at and cleanse my palate.

Questions: Which store do you feel more drawn to? Why? Is there a better alternative to both places?